INTIMACY IMPORTANT FOR ALL

The news of Sandra Day O'Conner's husband with Alzheimer's and his romance with 'another woman' probably struck a chord with many who heard the story. I believe this story is less about romance and love, and more about one's basic need for connectedness and human contact.

Obviously, people with advancing Alzheimer's have basic needs including good nutrition, a safe environment, and adequate hygiene, but other things are needed to be reasonably happy. These include a community to belong to, a sense of purpose or meaningful activity, and intimacy.

Intimacy provides a feeling of belonging, comfort, safety, and reassurance — feelings often lost or fragile with Alzheimer's. In fact, a person with Alzheimer's may need intimacy more than ever.
To me, connecting with 'the other woman' was indeed innocent in part because he lacks the ability of intentionality. That is, he is certainly not intentionally harming his wife. He has lost the ability to cognitively understand that this is not his wife, or possibly he has forgotten that he has a wife. Nevertheless, it seems impertinent for anyone to judge the ethical nature of his acts.

He truly is expressing one of our most basic needs, that of being connected to other humans. In one sense, he is displaying the most human element in all of us. Perhaps we should be inspired by this demonstration that we are all truly 'wired' to be connected to others, and even take comfort in this essential human truth.

Source : By Angela Lunde