My mom was born in the year of the rooster. It is said that people born under the year of the rooster are very sociable and outspoken. Most of all, they love making their friends and family happy and very much loved and respected by all who know them. These personalities were so typical of my mom. But all this came to an end when my mom had Alzheimer's.
It all started when mom began to forget very easily and accused the cleaning lady of stealing her money. Initially, I thought that mom was getting very forgetful as she tend to be quite careless with her things. However, the accusation got worst and almost everything was forgotten instantly like her appointments and the conversations she had. Soon mom just could not do the daily chores without any incidents like leaving the tap on with water running and pots left burning on the stove.
My family never realized that mom was beginning to have Alzheimer's then. It was only when her behavior got worse each day that we realized something was wrong. My brother consulted his friends who were doctors and it was in 1999 that we took mom to the hospital where she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's .
It was a difficult time for both mom and the family during the first few years. We did not know how to cope with mom's erratic behavior and since all of us were busy at work , mom was left to care for herself alone. Thinking back about the early years, mom must have realized the changes in her and that resulted in mom being so depressed all the time and she lost a lot of weight then.
There were some unforgettable scary incidents. One remained a mystery to us to this day. That was when mom just took off to her sister's house without informing us and when she was at her sister's house, she would just take off and came back home. We could never figured out how mom found her way home as she had no money and no keys to get into the house. We concluded she was blessed with a nice taxi driver and she still had the agility to climb over the gate .
Recalling back, I guessed it must have been a very difficult time for mom. During this time, we also noticed mom began to hallucinate. She thought the people on TV could actually talk to her and she would create her own stories. I remembered getting so angry with mom all the time and was picking fights with her very often. Mom's irrational behavior was taking a toll on everyone in the family and we simply just did not know how to cope. It only began to cool down when my family started to learn more about the disease. When we were no longer in denial, we began to accept mom for what she is. By accepting, I also decided to have mom slept in the same room with me so I could keep watch over her. Hence, the first lesson I learnt in dealing with mom was ACCEPTANCE.
As time progressed, mom began to lose her sense of dressing. From someone who was extremely stylish, mom began to have the worst sense of dressing and she hated going for showers. I then took up the duty to help mom with her showers. In order to make the showers more enjoyable, I would sing to mom and tell her she would be so clean and pretty after that. I would let mom dress herself and on family outings, I made mom put on her lipstick and combed her hair. Whatever mom could still manage on her own, I let her do it as I wanted her to remember as much as she could.
Thankfully, there were many things that mom still loved very much for example beautiful clothes, flowers and durian. Hence, I bought books on flowers or artificial flowers for mom. My dad would place the flowers at strategic places in the house like in the bathroom or places where mom would hang around. My dad would also bring along the books whenever he took her to the hospital to keep mom occupied while waiting. During weekends, we would take mom to the mall and looked at all the beautiful dresses. During durian season, we would ensure we fed her with lots of durian.
My dad would take care of mom during the day making sure she had her meals and kept her company by watching old movies and listening to songs of yesteryears. When I came back from work, I took over the duty to ensure she had her evening walk, talked to her, massaged her and watched TV with her. Very soon, our lifestyle practically adjusted to mom's. Everything was planned with mom in mind first. The second lesson I learnt from taking care of mom was PATIENCE and LOVING UNCONDITIONALLY.
By the 7th year, mom was beginning to lose a lot of her abilities. Mom could not communicate much. It was more like a one syllable like why, what, yes, no. Without the ability to communicate, we have to learn to adjust again. Now, we have to observe on mom very closely. And mom being so restless, we have to keep a close watch as we were afraid she would fall or trip over. At times, mom would just stuff things in her mouth like tissue papers and artificial flowers. Thus, we have to constantly watch out for her all the time as we never know what she would do.
Things took a drastic turn in 2006 when mom had to undergo surgery whereby her appendicitis was removed. It was a lot of guess work for the doctors and the family as well as we could not tell exactly what was wrong. What touched me at that time was watching mom cried when she was admitted to the hospital. At that point, I realized mom was conscious of what was going on even though she could not express herself. Thankfully the surgery went well and within 2 months, mom regained back her strength. We were afraid mom would lose some of her senses but her reflexes and coordination was still very good. She could respond to our actions and I was happy that she could still remember her family.
From here I learnt lesson No 3 that is, CHERISH every day with your loved one because nothing stays constant. I realized mom was getting worse each day so I tried to treasure whatever moment I have with her. I made it a point to tell her how much I loved her every day. I would hug mom every night before I put her to sleep, before I left for work and the moment I returned from work. Very often, my brother and me would make silly faces at mom just to make her laugh.
Things began to change in early 2007. Mom got tired easily and slept quite a bit. That worried us as mom was very active before. By mid 2007, I noticed that mom was getting quite weak and frail. She was smiling less which was such an uncommon sight. Her abilities were getting worse like only brushed one side of her teeth and swallowed her mouth wash. Mom also lost her appetite.
Feeding mom began to be a very difficult process. Mom was taking at least an hour or more to eat and we have to try all sorts of ways just to get mom to eat. By then, mom would just eat one spoon or two by herself and we ended up feeding her instead. We changed her diet to very soft food and got her to eat smaller amount but more frequent daily.
Towards the end of 2007, mom had problems swallowing her food. We also started to notice mom was breathing harder and her legs sometimes swell. For years, we have been taking mom for her evening walks but mom was getting weaker so the walks was shorter and much less frequent. Concerned for mom's well being, my dad would play the role of the doctor and monitor mom's pressure daily to ensure mom was doing fine.
I was spending more time with my mom and everything was just centered around mom. I had no social activity for a long time but it was all worth it when you find your mom struggling out of her chair reaching out to you with a smile when you returned home. Seeing her smile especially when she was doing much less these days was truly the most treasured feeling I ever had.
The family welcomed 2008 with much sadness as mom was diagnosed with lung cancer. Even at such critical stage, mom was conscious where she was and once again shed tears whilst she was in the hospital and this time much more . It was truly very stressful for the family and thankfully by god's grace, we managed to celebrate Chinese New Year with mom at home.
Today, I count my blessings even though mom was robbed of most of her abilities. One thing God never took away from mom was her ability to recognize her family even till the very last moment. Mom went off peacefully in her sleep on 19 February 2008.
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